Saturday, October 24, 2009

Time to pretend

Now is the beginning of something new.
I will be good to myself.
I will be good to you.
For i am happy.

And here is my new start.
www.lifeofbekellin.blogspot.com

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Hello, it's been a while

The way i've been feeling lately has been less than motivational. I have 9 days of school left and the thought of that still leaves some kind of sick feeling in my stomach that water can't wash away.
I always wonder if i could've done things better; if i've tried hard enough, or if it even matters if i haven't.

On top of my doubts about school, i've recently uncovered something new about myself; and that is my compulsive need to ruin things for myself because i have difficulty accepting that i may be happy. I've always wondered why i spend so much of my time tearing myself apart from the inside, and i've had the realisation that it's because i don't know what to do with myself when i'm not.
Obviously, that's something i'm working on before i implode.

I'll let you know when i stop being a pain in my own ass.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Spring

Yes, it is spring.
And this is when i begin to wonder what that means for me.

It means i have one month and four days until my drama solo assessment.
It means i have one month and five days until i finish school forever.
It means i have one month and ten days until my french oral examination.
It means i have one month and thirteen days until my real exams start.
How terrifying.

But also, aside from being horrifying, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
It is two months and one day until my exams finish.
It is two months and thirteen days until my friends and i go away.

This summer will be stress free. This summer must be stress free.
I don't know, i'll keep you posted.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Grease

was amazing.
I'm going to miss this aspect of school so much.
I've been so lucky to be able to do all this stuff.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I feel so

Sad.
Forgive me, I can't seem to stop myself from destroying everything I touch.
Including you.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Hope

My fear is vanishing.
My knowledge is developing.
I will jump into these risks and these 'unknowns', and swim in them like cool, calm water. And I will enjoy every minute.
I have something I once thought was lost.
My confidence.
I am no longer afraid, and I am learned in what to do.
And I did it myself.
Yes, I did it alone.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

It's strange

How a room can change, purely based upon the people standing within it.